mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
