Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
