woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
