Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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