your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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