i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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