Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
