im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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