Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
