i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
