fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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