Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
