someone threw a dead crab at me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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