my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
