You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
