No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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