so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
