they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
