Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize