I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
