Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
