O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize