Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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