I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
