dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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