I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
