drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
