We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize