I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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