I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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