24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
