yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
