he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
