Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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