just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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