what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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