She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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