Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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