no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
