You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
