The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
