How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
