I feel like abortions should bother me more
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
