Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
