Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
