But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize