Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm always down for nudity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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