Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
