I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
