oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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