HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nicole vs. Life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
