i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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