I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
