I hate your face
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
