i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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