She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
