Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
