My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
