You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
