found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
