from now on my penis is your penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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