Why are handjobs necessary in class?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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