Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
