dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
