i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
