I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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