Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
