i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
