**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The uberlube is also flammable
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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