When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
