just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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