Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
