....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize