Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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