So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
