how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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