i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize